The Missing Scene Miscellany
by crossoctopus
Summary: A collection of Penny/Sheldon-centric standalone missing scenes. Chapter 3 is Mary Cooper's thoughts at the end of the season 4 episode "The Zazzy Substitution."
1. The Nudity Revelation

****A/N: This was originally a one shot missing scene...but I had to write another missing scene after last week's episode. A place to collect stand-alone missing-scene style one shots.

**The Nudity Revelation (from "The Werewolf Transformation")**

"How could it have _only_ been her 'bottom and her breasts'?" Leonard asks Sheldon as they step inside their apartment to wait while Penny sets up a makeshift barber chair in her kitchen.

"Well, obviously it was not _literally_ only her buttocks and her breasts. But as her vulva was covered by pubic hair, I hardly saw that." Leonard's jaw clenches, and Sheldon rolls his eyes. "And I've seen the rest of her body before."

"How's that, exactly?" Leonard is fuming; his pinched mouth and the raised pitch of his voice give it away even to Sheldon's untrained eye. But although he's plenty aware that his roommate is angry, he can't for the life of him understand why.

"She prances around in very little clothing on a regular basis, Leonard. Howard or Raj would be equally compelled to admit that they had seen her legs, her torso and most of her back if only because we have seen her at the beach and sunbathing on the roof."

"That's totally different, Sheldon!"

"Well I fail to see the difference! I was already well aware that Penny is a well-proportioned woman with a pleasing waist to hip ratio, and that she has equally well-proportioned breasts and buttocks!" Leonard's mouth drops open at those words, but Sheldon barrels onward. "The only thing I learned from seeing her nude was that she has the Chinese character for soup tattooed on her right buttock!"

"She said that was _courage_," Leonard says quietly, almost to himself.

"I can assure you that she was incorrect. It is the Mandarin character for soup." He traces the lines of it in the air, and Leonard watches, seeming somewhat more confused-or maybe constipated-than angry. The look-whatever it is-gets more pronounced as Sheldon traces the character again, seeing the blue ink before his eyes in its exact placement on Penny's right buttock.

"So, you saw my girlfriend naked, and you didn't even _enjoy_ it?"

"Leonard," Sheldon sighs his name, exasperated. "As I already stated, I have always been aware that Penny is an attractive woman. I never said that I did not _enjoy_ seeing her naked. I merely stated that it gave me very little new information about her body." He pauses, considers for a moment. "Touching her breast was far more enlightening."

Leonard's mouth drops open again, and he splutters as Sheldon walks across the hall.


	2. The Reprogramming Complication

A/N: I can't lie... I laughed my butt off at Sheldon and Amy in "The Launch Acceleration." But still...this is clearly what was really going on. I cannot possibly be the only one that thinks so.

**The Reprogramming Complication (from "The Launch Acceleration")**

"Heya, Moonpie," Penny greets him as she saunters up to the mailbox next to his. He looks up from the copy of _Scientific __American_ that he had been staring at blankly.

"Hello, Penny," he answers morosely, without any of the spark she's used to, without even glowering at her for calling him 'Moonpie.'

"What's wrong, sweetie?"

He sighs in response, and she pulls out her mail and recloses her box before he begins to speak, turning to walk up the stairs with her.

"It's Amy."

"I thought things were going great with Amy? Did you not like the Nurse Chapel uniform?"

"I...what?"

"The Nurse Chapel uniform. I had to talk her into it, even though I couldn't get her to put on the blonde wig and I know how much you care about accuracy in costumes..." She realizes then that he has paused on the landing several steps behind her. "What's wrong?"

"_You_ have been assisting Amy Farah Fowler in her attempts to torture me?"

"Torture you? I thought I was helping." She feels blood rush to her face and her stomach starts to churn, that sick feeling that comes with the worry of having betrayed a friend.

"Helping! You call that helping! Do you know what she made me for dinner last week?"

"Spaghetti with hot dogs, right? I told her which sauce to buy. I thought you would like it..."

"You..."

He seems literally at a loss for words and she walks back down two steps, joining him on the landing between the second and third floors. She almost reaches out, about to touch his shoulder, but clenches her fingers into a fist instead.

"Sheldon, I'm sorry if I did something to upset you. Amy told me that she wanted to do nice things for you, and I was just helping her come up with your favorite things. I didn't mean to do anything that would bother you."

"How could you not have known that it would upset me! Amy is trying to make me _love_ her, Penny! I do not _want_ to love her. I do not want to love _anyone_."

"You love your Meemaw, don't you?"

"Of course I love my Meemaw. That is beside the point. I do not wish to love anyone _else_."

"I'm just saying, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to love someone else. Loving someone is nice."

"Nice." He rolls his eyes as he repeats the word derisively.

"It _is_ nice. It's having someone around who wants to make you happy, and it's being happy to do things for someone else. It should make you feel good."

"Well, all I feel is manipulated by Amy and guilty that I have no drive to return any of the favors that she has bestowed on me."

"Just give it a little time, Sheldon," Penny replies. "Amy is trying her best, and..." He cuts her off.

"No, apparently _you_ are trying _your_ best and Amy is simply...following orders." He glares at her. "I suppose you told her about making me Amtrack conductor for the day as well?"

"I was going to do that for your birthday, but..."

"You...what?"

"For your birthday present. In two weeks? I know you don't like presents, and I thought maybe _doing_ something would go over better. But Amy wanted to do something special for you, so I told her about it."

"I see," he replies, looking a little lost and worried.

"Don't worry, though. I already got you another gift that I think you'll really like. Better than the _Star __Trek_ transporter, I think. And you aren't obligated to buy me something in return, either."

She waits for him to give her his exasperated sigh, but it doesn't come. He just stands there, looking at her.

"Come on, Sheldon," she sighs, placing a hand on his back and pushing him until he starts to walk up the stairs.

"Penny," he says her name, finally, as they get to the fourth floor, but she can't read the tone. "Are you coming over for dinner?"

"Oh, I don't think so, sweetie. I'm a little short on cash until I get paid next week, and I feel awkward asking Leonard to buy me things when we're not..."

"Engaging in coitus?"

"Yeah. That," she answers, unamused.

"Just because he proposed to you? I've been led to believe that women find a willingness to commit to be a positive quality in a man."

"Well, not me. It was just...weird."

"Interesting," he replies.

"I'm so glad you find my sex life interesting, Sheldon," she sighs.

"Sarcasm?"

She just grins at him, shaking her head as she turns towards her door.

"If you'd like to come over, there will be extra dumplings at pad thai for you. You don't need to pay."

She looks over at him, reads something earnest in his eyes, and smiles.

"Thanks, Moonpie. I'll be over in an hour."

"Only my Meemaw calls me Moonpie, Penny," he answers, narrowing his eyes at her.

She smiles and walks into her apartment.


	3. The Zazzy Realization

A/N: Missing scene from the end of "The Zazzy Substitution" when Sheldon and Amy almost end their relationship. (If only.) I think this could go somewhere, but I don't know where, yet, and I don't have time right now. I mostly just wanted to write Mary Cooper. =)

**The Zazzy Realization**

She's real glad Shelly has a friend, and a female friend at that. The Good Lord knows how glad she is to make sure her son keeps all the friends he's got. But Mary Cooper can't help but find Amy Farah Fowler...unsettling. Too similar to her son. She's always hoped that one day, Shelly would meet a nice girl that would bring him out of his shell, challenge him and get him interested in things besides his science. Not that she's not proud of his science (what little of it she can understand, anyway), just that she worries sometimes that Shelly forgets he's a person, not some kind of science robot.

So, as he takes Amy back to his room to show her his cats, she feels...wistful, maybe. It's something she's gotten used to feeling about all three of her children — trying to be happy that they're happy, even though she knows to her very bones that they could all be happier.

"Oh, Hi, Mrs. Cooper!" Penny chirps as she walks into the apartment like she owns the place. Kinda surprising behavior if her reports are correct, and Penny and Leonard are broken up. Leonard's been scurrying around getting dinner set out, and Penny seats herself right on the edge of the couch (even Mary Cooper knows that's Sheldon's spot, and she's only been here a handful of times). "Is Sheldon feeling better?"

"Oh, yes. He and Amy are back looking at his cats."

"That's good," Penny smiles, looking genuinely pleased and not at all condescending. It's unusual to see someone talk about Shelly with a genuine smile. Even Leonard, who she thanks God for every night, is fed up with her boy most of the time. "He was so upset this week, he didn't even come over for Eye-talian night." She grins and shakes her head.

"Eye-talian?"

"Yeah, you know...the Mama Celeste sauce with hotdogs."

"You make Shelly spaghetti with hot dogs?"

"Yeah," Penny answers, smiling up at Leonard in thanks as he finishes bringing the food over. "He comes over the third Thursday of every month when the rest of the guys go out. But I keep them around all the time now-he likes them in his soup, too, when he's not feeling well."

"You make my Shelly soup when he's sick?"

"Oh, I just heat up canned split pea soup and add hotdogs and croutons," Penny answers, shrugging it off. "I've never been a very good cook," she acknowledges quietly. Leonard takes that moment to to laugh, declaring it an understatement, and Penny glares at him.

"You should have seen the one time she tried to make homemade soup," Leonard laughs. "There was green goop stuck to everything in the kitchen...Sheldon was cleaning for days." Penny glares at him again.

"At least I _tried_, Leonard, instead of running away at the first sign of sniffles." Leonard looks suitably chastised by that. Mary can't exactly fault Shelly's roommate for running away when the boy gets sick-he's a pain in the behind at the first sniffle. But she'd never realized that there was someone around who was actually looking out for her son.

"He's always been difficult when he's sick," she says, magnanimously. "Acts like a bit of a child, but then, he left home so early I don't think he got enough time to act like a child when he was one."

"Yeah," Penny acknowledges, like she's thought it through before. "Besides, _Soft __Kitty_ is a very comforting song." She grins at that, and Mary turns to stare.

"Shelly sang you _Soft __Kitty_?" Because Lord have mercy, Shelly singing someone _Soft __Kitty_? Shelly looking after someone who's sick? It's so far outside her son's comfort zone, she can't even imagine it.

"Only once," Penny answers, a fond smile painting her features. "I usually sing it when he's sick, but one time I fell and dislocated my shoulder, and he took care of me." She's heard about that before, but not the part about the _Soft __Kitty_. The way Penny talks about it, it sounds almost like it's a good memory, and Mary grins at the blonde girl.

Dinner conversation moves on from there, and when Shelly and Amy come out of his room, Penny slides to a chair on the other side of the table, leaving the couch open for the pair of them. Mary's not sure whether she imagines Penny's sadness, or if its real.

* * *

"Tell me about Penny, Shelly," Mary says later that night after Penny and Amy have gone home and Leonard is giving them a private moment before they head back to the airport.

"She's a waitress, she didn't go to college, and she commonly steals our food and our wi-fi." He shrugs as if that's all there is to the girl.

"Does she make you food very often?"

"I assume you're referring to something aside from Tuesdays when she brings me my cheeseburger," he says wryly.

"I hear she cooks you a real Eye-talian feast every month."

"That is true," Sheldon says. "I believe that she enjoys it as well."

"She sounded real disappointed you didn't join her this week-said you just missed it." Sheldon looks up at her, resembling nothing so much as a nervous deer. "I hear she makes you soup when you're sick, too."

"She just heats up a can," he answers, rolling his eyes.

"You ever thank her for that, Shelly?"

"It's just heating up a can of soup, mom."

"You see anyone else around here offering to heat you up a can of soup?"

"Well, no," he answers slowly, his big brain whirring around in there, still trying to catch her meaning.

"Sounds to me like you've got a real friend in Penny, Shelly, and I'd hate to see you ruin it by being ungrateful."

"I'm not ungrateful," he begins to defend himself, but Mary cuts him off with a stern glare.

"You near had a meltdown because you and this Amy girl stopped seeing each other. How would you feel if Penny didn't want to see you anymore? That's what happens, you know, when you never thank people for the nice things they do, and when you decide to skip out on them because of another girl. What're you gonna do when she doesn't want to be around anymore?"

"That would be..." He's about to say he'd be happier without her around — she can tell. From the bits and pieces she's picked up, Penny gives him a hard time of things more often than not, and Shelly doesn't understand how _good_ it is to have someone around to give him hell once in awhile. That the same girl comforts him, though...

The denial, the assurance that Penny is an annoyance, never comes. Instead, she watches as something like recognition dawns in his eyes. He clears his throat and blinks several times, a sure sign that Shelly is trying real hard to keep from acknowledging the truth about something. "Penny wouldn't do that," he answers instead.

"I'd think that through again," Mary tells him. "Now that she's broken up with Leonard, she has less reason to come round here. And he was a bit of a smart mouth towards her tonight, too, making her feel real unappreciated. And then you come out and don't even talk to the poor girl..." She shakes her head.

"It's very common for me and Penny not to speak to each other. We have very little in common." The words ring a bit hollow, though, and Mary raises an eyebrow. "She doesn't know anything about science."

"I don't know anything about science, either. You gonna ignore me, too?"

"Of course not, mom," he begins to placate her, but she cuts him off.

"You ever asked Penny about her interests? And I don't mean like some kind of smart mouth, neither."

"No," he answers. "She likes shoes and..." He trails off, looking confused.

"Oh, Shelly," she shakes her head, looking down at her lap. "Women like to be appreciated. And you're not doing _nothing_ to appreciate that girl."

"Actually, it would be 'I'm not doing anything.' You just used a double negative..."

"Not the time, Sheldon!" He always pays attention when she raises her voice, and this time is no different. "You're gonna lose that girl if you don't do more to show her you appreciate her. And then what? Is Miss Amy gonna cook for you and put hotdogs in your spaghetti? Is she gonna sing you _Soft __Kitty_?"

He doesn't answer her verbally, but the answer is there, written across his face. She wants to go on, wants to suggest more...but she bites her tongue. Instead, she leaves it right there.

"My flight is in two hours, sweetheart, and Leonard says we need to leave soon. You just...you just call me if you want to talk more, okay?"

"Mom? What...what do you do when you want to show someone you appreciate them?"

"Flowers are usually nice, and you could also try doing something that the other person likes."

"Even if I don't like it?"

"Well, if you like someone, Shelly, and you appreciate them, you try out the things they like. Sometimes it turns out you like it, sometimes it doesn't. But you at least _try_."

He nods and looks terribly thoughtful for a moment before rising from the couch to help her clear the dishes and get ready for the trip to the airport.

[I wrote this back when Amy would never have made Sheldon Eye-talian. And you know what? I maintain that she still wouldn't do it outside of the bounds of trying to manipulate his emotions. So...there.]


End file.
